


The Moment(s) Bigfoot Knew He Was In Trouble

by JustRollWithIt



Category: Amnesty - Fandom, The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, background stuff while the plot was going on, each chapter will have warnings when i figure out whats going in them, ever since griffin "oh fuck yeah'd" sternclay this has been bouncing around in my head, maybe a lil bit of sexy stuff, nothing graphic probably, stern and barclays descriptions are based off @berry-muffin's art its flawless, sternclay, the background gay drama between an fbi agent and bigfoot that we deserved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-05 19:24:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21213803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustRollWithIt/pseuds/JustRollWithIt
Summary: When Barclay thought back. He knew there's more he could have done to prevent it from going this far.He knew that it was his fault for not instantly shutting Stern down.... occasionally even encouraging him. Stern would have stopped if he'd told him to. But he didn't.And now they're here.Yeah... when Barclay thought back. He hadso manychances.AKA The gay Cryptid/FBI agent drama Griffin tried to give us. Bless his soul.





	The Moment(s) Bigfoot Knew He Was In Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> Barclay recounting his time with one (1) Agent Stern before the finale
> 
> **** = tw/ very minor implied attempted assault, just in case

He still remembers the heavy feeling in the air when Mama announced that there would be an FBI agent moving into The Lodge. The panic so clear on everyone's faces, Jake's nervous fidgeting and Dani holding Aubrey's hand for comfort, who looked more shocked at that than the news, frantically glancing down at their connected hands and back up at Dani repeatedly. Clearly having her own private mini-crisis. 

Barclay, on the other hand, was already _exhausted_ and the guy hadn't even shown up yet. Stern wasn't due to arrive until the next day so everyone could breathe easy until then. No one did, but they could have.

Barclay remembers how _frustrated_ he felt. The Lodge was the one place they were free to be themselves without fear of being carted off to some secret government facility and now there was gonna be some federal agent just _hanging around_. Interrogating anyone suspicious, asking too many questions. It was so easy to get wrapped up in thinking about the **worst case** scenarios in situations like this. It's like that when you'd got stuff to hide.

But that feeling was pushed down, especially after Mama made a note to be calm and natural as possible. They didn't have to interact with him if they didn't want to, but Mama made sure to hammer down the importance of keeping the agent happy and most importantly, placated. Mama was no stranger to random acts of pettiness but she knew the best way to keep these people safe was showing Agent Stern all the good ol' West Virginia hospitality they could, and she needed Barclay's help to do that. Stern was a guest after all.

None of them knew what to expect. But out of everything the residents imagined, every horrible, intrusive thought that wormed their way into the frightened minds of the Sylvains.

They weren't expecting what they got.

No one expected Agent Stern to be _so_....**pleasant**. Disarmingly so. 

This tall, handsome, half-asian man with short back hair that was probably a little longer without all the hair products holding it in place. He had no visible weapons on him, just his badge clipped onto his belt.

When he first arrived he spent most of the day setting up his room and unpacking. A lot of the residents stayed in their rooms or left for the day. Choosing to spend the day outside the lodge. So the only ones who interacted with him were Barclay and Mama.

Mama didn't dote on his every word or anything. Nothing of the sort. She was just slightly more hospitable than she would be to an FBI agent in a lodge _ not_ filled to the brim with people from another world. Which seemed about as far as she was willing to go. 

They kept up a casual, friendly conversation. Stern complimented the lodge a few times, asked them how their day had been so far, asked about the amount of business they get, no doubt from noticing the emptiness. Then that was it. They left him to do his work. They didn't see him again until dinner, after which, he casually wandered up to where Barclay was doing dishes and started to dry them and put them away, making educated guesses as to which cupboards held which things. Barclay said there was no need to help, that he actually finds it sort of relaxing and Stern just smiled and said "It's the least i can do for the man who makes the best chicken chassuer i've ever tasted." 

Barclay had smiled at that. The first of many _genuine_ smiles Stern brought out of him.

The agent ended up sitting in the lobby in the evening, silently tapping on his laptop and going through various papers with graphs and statistics all over it. The lobby was particularly quiet that evening. The only time he spoke was when he thanked Barclay for the coffee he had brought him and the relaxed hums of approval that came after it. 

-  
After that first day it only became more apparent that the agent wasn't what everyone feared he would be. A few residents came up to Barclay, whispering questions since apparently a rumor had started that he had bugged the place. Everyone wanted to know what he was like and all Barclay could do was shrug and say "He seems nice enough."

Of course they still needed to be wary of what they said around him, but out of all the potential federal dick heads they could have gotten? A handsome guy perma-glued into a three-piece-suit was manageable. 

He's a quiet man. Keeps to himself most of the time. Only really spoke when he was spoken to, which wasn't often. Usually it was Barclay who started the conversation out of pure awkwardness. An awkwardness that was likely only felt by him and not Stern. No, Stern seemed all too content with sitting in silence, getting on with his work, no matter how many other people were in the room. Barclay and a few other residents weren't sure if that made them feel more or less at ease.

_He could be eavesdropping. Waiting for one of us to slip up. How do we know he's not already onto us?_

The air of paranoia took a long time to clear. Nervousness radiated off of anyone who got near him. With the exception of Barclay, Mama, Aubrey... and Jake. Who was all too comfortable asking smatterings of questions from the moment Barclay said the agent "seemed nice". Which was apparently all Jake needed to drop his guard almost completely. He's not an idiot. Just _incredibly_ friendly. Too friendly to ignore someone living under the same roof as him, even if its an FBI agent sent here specifically to look into sightings of Bigfoot and other abnormalities. 

And so life went on. The residents weren't instantly comfortable around him of course. A few still aren't. There was a stiffness that came with him entering a room in those early weeks. But a stiffness that slowly, but surely... started to take it first steps towards dwindling. 

Stern knew as well. How could he not have? He must be used to it somewhat, having the job he does. But at least in his case, his self awareness of other peoples discomfort only made him turn up the charm, the soft smiles, the occasional witty comments. And even in some cases, removing himself from a situation where he sensed someones uneasiness, without so much as a frustrated look or hint of hesitation. He was all too happy to do things for other people. The perfect picture of what a government agency would want you to believe all their agents are like.

Another thing Barclay picked up on was that he didn't ask questions concerning his work inside the lodge. Never prodded anyone for information on various 'sightings' while inside this space they shared as a home. When they ran into him out and about he would slip in a question or two depending on his current task. "Seen/heard anything strange?", " This might sound odd but what do you think when i say 'water monster'?" and so on. He never pressed. Politely excused himself if someone said they didn't want to talk. But for the most part, he kept it out of the lodge. Unless of course Duck and Ned showed up being blatantly suspicious. That was the only time he ever showed any hints of being... "FBI-ish"

Barclay still remembers the first time he made someone _laugh._ He had been chatting to Jake, with Dani and Aubrey sitting nearby. Barclay hadn't been paying attention to what was being said as he absentmindedly chopped vegetables. He only caught the end of some remark about a celebrity "having his head up his ass" and the sound of Jake and Dani giggling helplessly, with Aubrey involuntarily letting out a burst of laughter before quickly pursing her lips, looking as though she was mad at herself for laughing at something he said. He stared at Stern in that moment. Bright smile on his face as he continued bantering with the younger lodge residents. 

_It was strategic._ Barclay found himself thinking initially. He knew the older residents didn't trust him, so he was entertaining the younger ones. Barclay couldn't shake the feeling that this clearly very intelligent man had ulterior motives. Was that just paranoia peering its ugly head? Maybe. Was it still valid? Yeah. Yeah it was. 

But the longer that moment stretched on. The longer Barclay found his gaze trailing away from the agents eyes, to his jawline, to his tie, slightly loosened, top button undone. He found himself forgetting what he was thinking about before he noticed the dark freckle on Stern's left cheekbone. 

-  
And for a while, that was it. That was life in the Amnesty Lodge. Co existing peacefully with a surprisingly understanding federal agent. He's not sure when he and Stern started getting..._friendlier_. Barclay honestly only started talking to him out of some kind of moral obligation. Maybe he was a little in Jakes boat of being incapable of ignoring someone who hasn't actually done anything wrong...yet. But it was just small talk at first. Good morning, How's the weather?, What are you up to today? Some days they wouldn't talk at all. These days were usually days when Stern would leave the lodge in full FBI gear and wouldn't return till late in the evening. A harness across his chest which Barclay knew holstered a gun under his arm, concealed by his jacket. He wondered if he left quickly to avoid the lodge residents from seeing him armed. He seemed very conscious about how he acted and where he was whilst he had a weapon on his person. As he should be. Barclay wasn't giving him brownie points for that. But he supposed it was better than the alternative. 

Barclay couldn't explain why. But it was easy to talk to Stern. He just had one of those personalities. _Once you got passed the whole 'FBI agent' thing of course_. They'd say good morning, Barclay would ask how he slept. Stern gave a healthy variation of "_Wonderfully_"'s to "Pretty well"'s and "Not at all thank you for asking." the last of which gradually over the next few months, turned into a series of groans as he got more comfortable around Barclay and they had developed some inkling of a _rapport_.

It got to the point where Barclay knew how Stern had slept just by looking at the state of his hair. Whether or not he bothered fixing it up before coming downstairs. Barclay knew that he spent a lot of late nights up researching. The light in his room only going off at 2-3am some nights. But the tapping of an old, FBI-issued laptop keyboard wouldn't stop till much later. One time he came downstairs with one of his many button-up shirts on inside out. When Barclay informed him, Stern's face just filled with this tired, silent...disappointment? and changed it right there. Either because he was comfortable around him or just too tired to care. 

Barclay had looked away. Why did he feel the need to look away?

"Maybe if you closed your laptop before getting into bed your brain might turn off too." Barclay teased gently. When did that start?

Stern mumbled something defensive in response. His forehead making contact with the kitchen counter he had slumped behind while Barclay made breakfast. He smiled fondly at the agent. When did _that_ start?

"Am i gonna have to start making 1am rounds like a boarding school teacher peering into dorm rooms to make sure you're sleeping?" Barclay pulled out a plate and stacked some poached eggs and bacon on a waffle, placing it by the agents head.

Stern smiled against the counter "Only if you promise to tuck me in if you find me asleep on the keyboard." He slowly sat up, eyes straining open. "I woke up with D, C, F and R stuck to my face once." he pointed to his own cheek accusingly before dropping his hand into his lap.

Barclay let out a short chuckle, his gaze lingering as he watched the agents own face soften upon laying eyes on his favorite breakfast, humming happily to himself as he always does. "That happen often?" He asked as Stern was a couple of bites into his meal, suddenly looking a bit more conscious.

"More often than I'm willing to admit"

It never ceases to be endearing when he's like this. He's loosened up a lot since he'd been living here. He was never particularly stuffy or uptight. It's more how every day he comes downstairs in a full suit, perfectly groomed from head to toe. And every now and then Barclay gets treated to _this_. Hair unkempt, no tie, a few hints that he sleeps on his face (a puffy right eye or the remainders of an indent on his cheek). Guard down, lazy smile directed right at him.

"Okay, i promise. Any other requests?" Barclay asked as he sat down with his own, significantly larger plate of food. Stern just shook his head chewing and humming. Barclay had to will himself not to stare. 

-  
Barclay _did_ start checking on him. He wasn't even sure if Stern had been serious about it at first. His expression the first time Barclay opened his door at 2am to see him hunched over his laptop with files scattered over his bed and on the floor, says maybe not. Mild confusion behind eyes that were struggling but determined to stay open. But regardless of what was a joke and what wasn't, staring at a screen for this long ain't good for him.

Barclay walked over and slowly closed the laptop as he leaned down to Stern's face level, locking eyes with the agent who looked much more awake than he did a second before. "It's past your bedtime." He whispered and the agent held his gaze for a second, his front teeth finding his bottom lip as a slight grin snuck its way onto his face. The agent broke the gaze, grin never faltering as he grabbed his laptop and the miscellaneous files on his bed and put them on the beside table. When he was satisfied with its placement, he looked back at Barclay. "Happy?" he spoke in a tone that made a tingle run up Barclay's spine. 

A part of him wanted to say "No." just to see what Stern would say next. The agent had a look in his eye that could only be described as _playful_.

"_How can i make you happy?_" he imagined the agents voice, letting his mind wander for a split second.

Barclay mentally snapped himself out of it. Just in time to catch the agents gaze drift down his face. 

"Ecstatic." He said a little louder, Standing up straight to relieve this tension...get some distance between them. He watched the agent carefully to see what he'd do next. He tipped his head back as Barclay stood, blinking tiredly at him, and yawned, giving up on whatever little game he had in mind, if that wasn't all in Barclay's imagination. "Good." he fell back against his pillows, eyes still on the other man. Barclay had a moment of clarity, forcing his eyes to focus on something else, _anything_ else that wasn't Agent Stern looking up at him, smiling lazily.

"Get some sleep." He tried not to use his 'Dad voice' as titled by Jake. "If you miss breakfast I'm not gonna wait up for you." He warned as he turned around to flick the light switch off. 

"Yeah you will." 

Sterns _silky_ smooth voice slithered out of the darkness. The tingle shot up his back again.

-

There were little moments too. Small enough that he brushed it off in the moment, but the more he thought about it, it _swallowed him_

One morning Barclay was in the kitchen, halfway through a meal prep when he realized the reason he kept having to flick his head back to get his hair out of his face was because he forgot to put it up before he started. Now he's got meat juice hands. 

He was gonna go wash his hands when he felt a presence behind him. Fingers that brushed through his hair, bringing it all together above where his undercut began and tied it securely in a bun. _Is it bad that he knew it was Stern without turning around, without him even saying anything? His smell alone was enough._

"There." Stern's voice sounded satisfied with his work. "You looked like you were suffering." The agent patted his shoulder, his touch lingering as he walked away. Barclay just thanked him on impulse. it wasn't until later when he started to overthink.

Other moments were almost outright domestic. Stern would be in his usual spot at the kitchen counter as Barclay cooked. Sometimes doing work as they chatted, sometimes doing a crossword or sometimes just watching Barclay. His eyes following him around the kitchen. Moments like that felt like they were the only two people in the lodge. The man in plaid taking a silent joy in having the agent watch him do something he's well aware he's good at. He found himself taking little opportunities to impress him whenever he could. 

Once when a tennis ball Jake was tossing to himself managed to bounce right into the gap between the fridge and the wall of the pantry, Barclay simply shifted the large double door fridge far enough for Jake to grab to ball, and then shifted it back with ease. The huge thing barely even made a noise. He didn't do anything differently than what he would have done without Stern there. But him being there was an added bonus. The look on Sterns face when he turned around was one he has ingrained in his memory. Lips slightly parted, a little bit of pink coloring his cheeks, and gripping the crossword book in his hand so hard it was bending in his grasp, staring at the fridge. 

Barclay smiled as if nothing was out of the ordinary. "You alright there agent?" his nonchalant tone breaking Stern out of his stupor.

The agent blinked a few times, regaining his composure like an expert, smiling back. "Oh yes i'm fine. Just zoned out for a minute." He closed the crossword, and placed it on the table, bent side down. 

"That don't sound like the most efficient way to conduct an investigation." Mama's voice entered the fray as she walked passed the kitchen on her way out. Stern pursed his lips with a slight smile, getting used to the casual teasing. "Well i actually gave myself the morning off so technically my record is still says 'super efficient in all work hours'." he spoke half of his retort into his coffee, taking a sip when Mama slapped his back with a laugh, looking to Barclay. "_And what a way to spend it._"

She gave Barclay a look, grinning as he left the kitchen, turning slightly to speak over her shoulder. 

"Keep up the good work Barclay!"

Barclay narrowed his eyes at the woman as she sauntered out of the lodge.

-

Eventually, the other residents stopped trying to get nefarious information about Stern out of him. Barclay's wasn't one-hundred percent certain if they started ignoring Stern or if they just got..._used to him_. His question was answered when Moira walked downstairs, said good morning to Stern, and sat next to him while he tapped away on his laptop at the kitchen counter. They didn't talk any more than that. They just sat in a comfortable silence.

But the biggest surprise by far? Mama. 

She just... straight up stopped caring. Where at one point she watched him out of the corner of her eye, found excuses to come over to him and peer at his laptop screen while he worked. One day, a fair way into his stay, she just stopped. Maybe that's why the other residents that were still uneasy around him, warmed up to him? They figured if Mama liked him, they could give him a chance too. Most people at the lodge started seeing him as an inconvenience more than anything. A pleasant, friendly inconvenience. 

Barclay wondered if she knew something he didn't. Maybe she had secured some blackmail on him. Something to keep him from talking if he figured anything out. Whatever it was, she was confident enough in it that she would sit with him, chat about pretty much anything. They'd even have casual drinks together sometimes after they'd both had a long day. More than once Barclay's come back to the lodge to Stern, flushed face, leaning against one of the couches in the lobby, swaying ever so slightly, stifling a drunken giggle whenever Barclay tried to talk to him. And Mama sitting nearby, barely even tipsy, chuckling in the background. 

He learned Stern cant hold his alcohol too well. 

Mama would pat Barclay's back and say "Help him get up to bed would you?" every time. 

And every time Barclay was a little more suspicious of what exactly Mama was so sure about. 

The other few times they did this were fine. Barclay slung one of Sterns arms around his shoulder and helped him up the stairs. The other times he was either sober enough to thank him and get himself into bed or drunk enough that he passed out as soon as Barclay laid him down on his bed. The point is that there was no drunken nonsense. No flirting, no lack of inhibition. 

This time, after Mama's usual line. The corners of the agents lips curved up in a mischievous smile. "Listen to your boss Barclay, come to bed with me" he stood up far too quickly and instinctively put his arms out to each side to balance himself like a giant toddler. Mama hid her final chuckle behind a cough, leaving Barclay to it without another word. Barclay sighed, making his way over to Stern, slipping an arm around his waist, gently grabbing his arm and placing it over his shoulders. "Pretty sure that's not what she said." Barclay bit back a smile as the agent leaned into him, his head lulling to the side, the grin still firmly in place. "T'was subtext. Had to be paying attention." He tapped the side of his nose with his finger, being a little caught off guard when Barclay started to walk without warning. 

****  
"It's a good thing you don't drink in public places." _He didn't want to imagine the trouble he could get into._ After tapping his side to notify him of an incoming step, Stern let out a stilted laugh, walking up the stairs with relative ease. Slowly, but without issue.

"Noooo... No, no... Learned that lesson the hard way." 

Barclay's grip on the agent reflexively tightened a little, his stomach turning. He opened his mouth to respond but closed it just as quickly, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Sensing his reaction Stern quickly corrected himself.

"Oh! oh no, no that sounded bad." his words starting to slur, grabbing Barclay's hand on his waist in some kind of drunken attempt at comfort. Squeezing gently. "I mean... There _ was_ a scummy dude and it coulda been worse than it was. But i had friends with me so it was fine. But yeah. Only house parties for me from that point on." he patted the hand on his waist, lifting his head "Was a long time ago anyway..."  
****

Stern kept his hand on Barclay's, running his thumb over the back of his hand as they climbed the rest of the stairs. Barclay found himself sighing in a sort of relief only to have his breath catch in his throat. The soft thumb grazing over the thin hairs on the back of his hand. Barclay took a deep breath through his nose, trying his best to ignore the shiver running up his arm.

Barclay surprised himself with how much he cared in that moment. He had a real, visceral reaction to the mere implication of someone hurting Stern. 

When did he go from being just an inconvenience to someone Barclay cared about? Granted, he's still an inconvenience. But a pretty one who's helpful and fun to talk to... and occasionally comes home wearing a thigh holster... 

Once Sterns room was in sight, for some reason he decided that moment was the perfect time to try and take his shoes off, digging the toe of his shoe into the heel of the other, hopping alongside Barclay who was considering letting him fall over. Making a mental note to come back for his discarded footwear, Barclay opened the door and closed it behind them. He swore he looked away for _two seconds_ and when he looks back, Stern had undone his tie and was halfway towards taking his shirt off. Fumbling with the final buttons, given he was trying to do it with one hand, his other still tightly gripping Barclay's shoulder.

Barclay couldn't stop himself from huffing out and exhausted chuckle. "Maybe try sitting down?" he offered, pointing over to his bed that was literally a few feet away. Stern, apparently ignoring him, managed to get one of the four remaining buttons undone. "You absolutely refuse to make this easy huh?" Barclay was just watching him, a hint of amusement on his face. The amount of times Stern almost fell over from focusing too hard on his shirt was ridiculous five minutes ago, so Barclay decided to get this moving. Keeping one hand on his waist, moving his other to the agents shoulder, he gently, but firmly pushed him back till the backs of his legs hit the bed and was forced to sit down. Stern's hand slid off Barclay's shoulder and settled in the middle of his stomach, staring forward with a somewhat bemused smile, still swaying despite sitting down. 

Barclay's skin tingled wherever his fingers touched, so when the agents arm fell limp, fingers catching on Barclays belt to keep himself steady, he knew this had to end fast. Gently grasping his wrist and placing it in his lap, Barclay glanced at the bed to make sure there was nothing for him to break when he inevitably passed out on top of it. 

"Barclay."

He turned his head to his name being spoken in a- funnily enough- stern tone. He raised his eyebrows quizzically as a response and Stern continued.

"Sit with me."

That's just a bad idea.

"I think you should go to bed actually." Barclay said as he pulled the covers back for Stern to climb in. 

Stern just shrugged "I'm not going to bed unless you sit with me soooo....." his last word dragged on long enough for Barclay to give in. _Way to stick to your guns Barclay_

"Alright. Fine, fine." he sat leaving a few inches of space between them that Stern almost immediately closed, leaning over and resting his head on his shoulder. Barclay tapped his hands on his own legs, suddenly feeling the urge to fidget. Which was weird because he's never been a fidgeting person. Why was he fidgeting. 

"This place is weird."

Barclay's hands stopped moving. In fact he's not entirely sure if he was still breathing in that moment. 

_Calm down. It doesn't matter._ he remembers thinking _... chances are he won't remember this. I can still put him to bed without talking about this further._

Unless he _does_ remember.

Barclay took a deep breath, shooting a glance to the side. "Weird how?" he was good enough at keeping casual in situations like this. Plenty of practice.

Stern didn't respond for a few seconds, adjusting his position on the other mans shoulder. "I dunno... The whole town really but _specifically_ the lodge. it's just like...a vibe i get? i dunno..."

Barclay just sat still as the agent continued. It occurred to him that this is something Stern would never talk about unless he was drunk, so as much as Barclay hated the idea of taking advantage of him. This was actually a good way of seeing what Stern was thinking. Finding out what _he's_ found out. His suspicions...

Yeah Sterns a nice guy but he's also a man who keeps his cards close to his chest. If he's discovered anything incriminating. Barclay needed to know. 

So Barclay just let him ramble. 

"Bein' totally honest i wasn't expecting much when i got here. We hear rumors and get reports of "_sightings_ every dang day..." he sat up to wildly gesticulate the quotes around "sightings" before dropping his head back onto the firm shoulder. "But i've never had so many people claim they saw the same thing before. It was pretty exciting y'know? i-..." he paused "...nevermind." 

Barclay nudged him playfully "What? C'mon keep going." Stern shook his head, bringing a hand up to cover his face.

"No it's embarrassing." his hand dropped from his face onto Barclays leg, just resting on top of his thigh. Barclay ignored it semi-successfully.

He grinned down at him "What? you gonna tell me you're a conspiracy theorist? You believe in The Loch Ness monster all all that?" he was teasing, but when Stern slowly lifted his head to meet Barclay's eyes with an _unreadable_ expression, Barclay had to stifle a laugh. "No..."

Stern shot upright, hands in front of him in some vain defense "_Look._ For the record, 'The Loch Ness Monster' is far more likely just a big cat-fish. But there's way more stuff that isn't as easy to explain away..." Barclay put a finger against his own lips, holding in a burst of laughter while trying to tell Stern to lower his voice. The agent caught on and continued his rant in a loud whisper. 

"In 1950 there was the body of a woman found who had pointy teeth like a shark. No signs of filing to have them sharpened, they just _grew like that_. Another about thirty years ago, a couple camping got attacked by some kind of giant reptile that could stand on its hind legs. One of the women had _ huge_ claw marks on her arm. And this last one? I am not joking, i could show you the files. I'd get fired for showing you the files but i _could_..." Stern paused for dramatic effect.

"...Bigfoot stole a car and totaled it." 

Barclay couldn't stop the involuntary twitch in his eye after that one. 

"Of course all the police reports are all like 'someone in a bigfoot costume' _but we know better...we know better..._" He trailed off for a second, staring down at his own hands, and Barclay was about to speak until the agent exploded back into it again. "Not just that! The description we got of this 'costume'? _ Exactly_ matched what Ned filmed in his little video. That video is the whole reason i'm here." He finished off, staring over at the pile of files over on the ground, looking like he was considering grabbing a few to show him. 

Barclay played along, but still asking what he really wanted to know.

"Stern. Did you join the FBI...to get a budget to find cryptids?" He pursed his lips in an attempt to force back the huge grin his face desperately wanted to unleash. If it were even possible, somehow Stern's face got even more flushed. "No!" Was his immediate response.

"...Not initially..." he conceded. He glanced at Barclay and then back at the ground. "It was...more an....added perk..." 

"Oh my god."

Stern jabbed Barclay in the arm with his elbow. Sorta. He missed and more just grazed it. "Im not talking about this anymore." He pulled his mostly unbuttoned shirt back onto his shoulder where it kept slipping from during his rant and lifted a leg at a time to take off his socks, swaying as he did. Barclay watched, still filled to the brim with delight. Completely forgetting about why he originally started to press him to talk. 

"I though all conspiracy theorists were chubby white dudes, not-" he stopped himself mid sentence, closing his mouth and glanced around to find something random in the room to spontaneously change the subject to. But it was too late.

"Not... _what?_" 

Barclay could see him out of the corner of his eye but he refused to look. His entire demeanor changed in an instant, and his voice was back to that silky smooth tone that crept its way right into the center of Barclay's spine. Stern knew what he was going to say. He just wanted to hear him say it. Expecting eyes scanning Barclay's face, waiting for an answer. 

He wasn't gonna give up, so Barclay figured he'd bite the bullet. 

"Not like you." he said vaguely, knowing he wouldn't accept that, but hoping maybe he would.

"And what am i like?" the response was as predictable as the plot of a early 2000's romcom but Barclay walked right into it anyway. He considered playing along and saying something like "annoying" or whatever, but he wanted to end the conversation, not make Stern more playful than he already is. He could only think of one way out and was he wasn't proud of coming up with it but...

He turned to face Stern, his head tilted to the side, shirt once again hanging off his shoulder but he made no effort to fix it this time. Barclay kept his gaze in his lap to keep himself from gawking. "Stern I... I'd rather have this conversation when you're sober..." he spoke gently, and Stern's face dropped all signs of flirtation. Going near blank. 

Barclay eyed him carefully. "That... okay with you?" 

Stern was suddenly the one who looked _incredibly_ flustered. Barclay silently admitted that it was nice being on the other end of it for once. The agent fixed up his shirt, pulling it back up where it belongs and ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. "Yeah!....Yeah that's... cool. I'm good with that." He met Barclay's eyes with a little more caution, a sheepish smile taking place, and Barclay smiled gently at him. 

"Alright then." he gently patted Sterns knee and the agent followed him with his eyes as he stood up. "You need help getting into bed?" 

"No!" Sterns eyes were wide, hands out in front of him. He coughed and ran his hand through his hair again. "I mean. No, it...its okay, i'm okay. Thank you..Barclay." 

Barclay just nodded, holding up his forefinger and leaving to retrieve Stern's shoes from the hallway and placing them by his bed. "There. You sure you're all good?" 

Stern just nodded, the color on his face deepened every time he glanced up at Barclay from where he was sitting. "Yeah i'm good. Goodnight." The agents voice was the softest he'd ever heard it.

He nodded back "G'night. See you tomorrow." 

The very second Barclay closed the door behind him, a heavy feeling fell over him.

Barclay was well aware he had backed himself into a corner. Cemented himself into having a literal relationship talk with _Stern_. But honestly he was just pushing forward what was gonna happen anyway. Stern had been getting steadily more flirtatious and Barclay had been doing absolutely zip to shut it down, like the Class A, horny idiot he apparently is. All it took was one handsome, kind, FBI agent for him to put his identity in literal peril. 

Of course he's attracted to him. How could he not be? In another life he would have asked him out the second he complimented his cooking. But he doesn't have another life, he has this one. He's not human, and he can't tell Stern. How would he even go about doing that? Barclay was suddenly overcome with flashbacks of his _ first_ 'coming out'. This one was somehow guaranteed to be more unpleasant. 

Barclay sighed, slowly making his way to his own room. 

It's gonna suck. But...it's for the best. He's helping Stern dodge a bullet. A big furry bullet. Of course Stern won't see it that way but it has to be done. 

Getting into his room and closing his door, he absentmindedly tugged at his bracelet. He doesn't usually sleep with it on but a part of him didn't feel like taking it off.

He had imagined what it would be like. Telling Stern. He creates imaginary conversations with pretty much everyone he meets, just in case, just to run through the motions. He tries to be realistic. Considering how each person would genuinely react. And when he did that with Stern he couldn't imagine anything more than shock followed by a gentle smile. Now after learning more about him he'd probably have to make space in that daydream for him to absolutely lose his mind over 'Bigfoot', but regardless. He just couldn't see Stern reacting any way but positively. Was he kidding himself? Maybe. Of course even if he could tell Stern, there's no way he'd would still be attracted to him after finding out. Best case scenario is that he isn't completely disgusted.

Barclay kicked off his shoes and stripped off his shirt, flopping down onto the bed. 

And here we are. In retrospect. Could have definitely avoided this.

-


End file.
